found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
