Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
