I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
