I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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