the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
