My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
