Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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