I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
