hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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