Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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