Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
