smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
