i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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