she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
