Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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