If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
