The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
