The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
