The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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