loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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