so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
