are you so shy because you have an std?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
