I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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