I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
