Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
