How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
