Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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