No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
