it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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