Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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