Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
