I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
