first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
