i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
