My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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