Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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