You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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