dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
