They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
