he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
