if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
