pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
