I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
