It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
