There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
