I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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