What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
