Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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