Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
