I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
